my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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