He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
