If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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