So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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