Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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