After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
