Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
