I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
