My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize