I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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