Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
