just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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