I'm so fucking centered right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize