Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
