is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
