So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
