I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
