Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
