I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
