Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
