I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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