My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
