sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
