fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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