Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
