We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
