so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize