I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize