I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
