what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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