You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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