fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
