A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
