Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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