Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
