i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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