i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I am naked and annoyed.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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