What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
