just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
