Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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