Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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