A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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