i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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