I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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