we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
