I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
