If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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