well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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