Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My vagina just recognized that song.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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