I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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