careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
