I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
