I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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