So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
