the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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