So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
