We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize