just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
