I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
