Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
