Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
