Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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