Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
