If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
