i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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