Cold hands, warm shart.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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