I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
