Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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