if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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