I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
