Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
