You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
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