meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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