id be glad to
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
