Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
