Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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