four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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