My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
